The happiness is only a rumor
The happiness is only a rumor
It is a thing before a lot of years. There is a girl in the class. Have sharp skillful pretty face, wear one red hair shirt, hair of left temples have so a bit, reach to fly to messy advantage always. Perhaps she is not the most beautiful, but that kind of lively and happy expression will be played up so that you can’t help following to smile. She like one small safflower, do the best one turn on gaudily among one steel gray campus.
If you are her friend, she will open her young and clean and real palm to you, point out a line in one’s own palm to you very conscientiously. She will smile and tell you, " this line is named the lucky line, " And her lucky line is having like this, climb the centre of the palm, has climbed the palm mound, the ones that seem to be destined to run through her, all one’s life, the ones that will even be pierced into behind are remote.
Who can like one self-confident and happy letting people feel girl beautiful from this? A lot of boys adore her, a lot of girls envy her, but " admire " With " envy " Two kind until she is the pure in sight. The good friend in our that era likes talking about life together, talk about pursuing. I still remember asking what she pursues to get up - -The love?
She says - -That too empty China.
–The undertaking?
Smile - -I am very afraid of bearing hardships.
–Then what do you really want?
She answers modestly and honestly - -Happy. Then her eyes are fascinated by and appear to hope dimly, easy to like holding a piece of temples loosed one day, wear the clear large blue shirt of an ornamental engraving. There is a light courtyard, there is a light Wu’s something small and hard, sat weaving the knitting wool, watched the light sparrow. Pass, pass by day so plain and happiness, inlay my blue sky definitely with four corners of courtyard wall.
Even I still thinks her these words ordinary and wise and farsighted many years after leaving the small city. She is not a very clever woman, beauty not unusual. She go, pursue undue timid China and float foam is but at ordinary times blue applying the little ordinary woman to pay the blush at the festival in those like old society, stretch out one’s hand to pick the happy fruit directly. Whenever remember her, my pits of the stomach are all dim and dim, how less than satisfactory the persons who hope in the vicinity at one’s side are - -In that small city, live there is so plain happiness of a girl who I appreciatedding.
Heard later she was married very well, the husband was a chauffeur, the family circumstances were well-to-do, it is said that loves her very much too.
It hear later child she, girl, shout " but " . As agreeable as she presumably.
Not seeing her again after more than ten years, she was the alumnus association of once, there was the one that wasted time in classmates, some are developed. But she can send out fluorogenic light stone while being temperate and moist unusually like one, exquisite and lovely of a group of broken stones, agreeably plain too among the jade of countless pearls.
She and I go to brown Pin tree, that is main story cups of people having a get-together in the hall of the Alma Mater when invites one, that small and exquisite wing of nose of hers still has no change. I say with a smile: "It is said you have a good time. "
She nods smiling.
We were friends of the looks contract of compliment the most in the past. Although there is no at this moment, a kind of friendship quietly flowed from the depths in the past out, fill and soak it among us. I see her beginning to be a bit uneasy, look for the daughter with sight. But that smile at shadow clearly for one dreary and wan and sallow the disperse turn on, come on gradually silk, can’t cover up gradually too. She has already called out the daughter at one’s side at this moment, weave her pigtail not messy. Then begin to shed tears baffledly, a bunch of a bunch of red tears which soak years. Then she take, wipe I unforgettable bitter bad smell that write smile forever, bitter to say cold:
" happy it is a rumor " .
Heart of me palpitate with fear, after many years, the dress red hair shirt, firmly believe oneself can obtain happiness, get all people little girl of blessing will say - -The happiness is a rumor
(2)
I have considered that sentence for a long time - -The happiness is a rumor - -But why are people still expecting and spreading everywhere?
There is one about happy story here, the protagonist is a colleague before mother. I have never seen a woman that can then become. Remember, have a winter vacation as a child, have one woman do astringent voice call and " transferred to gloves outside the dry and cold unit building while being fine slightly! "
She personal to mention basket bring child socks, wooden comb, little mirror, powder, nail scissors all sorts of scrappy light stufves, colourful, used for changing and sending the surplus labour protection glove under and gauze mask in every factory, this is a business with a small capital, but she has been doing so tough and tensily all the time. Mother see she sometimes, until " why " Previous " sister Li, you go to three class just? "
Class three is the most bitter break tour in the factory from at midnight zero hour to six o’clock in the early morning. Go the people of class come off duty always tired serious, she but only wicked to have in mind, enclose, laugh, " gone home and gone to bed and laid too, but pour and can not fall asleep on the bed - -Strand strength hold out through, anyway getting unoccupied and too getting unoccupied, come out, shout two break up, move, down too kind. "
I like her to smile, thin, never that one’s own work is ashamed.
Know, have four child from mother, two men and two women, return in addition, two husband’s father and mother old, the husband works as a compulsory serviceman in the army, the of seven people of one family’s load is pigeonholed on her shoulder completely. Two old man and two child have labour protection, just and three calamity nine disease, this should loud pressure much to one female worker. In more than ten years, are all families that she propped up her alone. She one pillar, let one silk trials and hardship let go to child and old man at the hair never. The ones that lived in are several one-storey houses, all mend climbing up the mud dust of the cleaver by a woman of hers while leaking the sleet. Mother says - -See she has cried too - -Can cry for let it be, mention the basket changes gloves and does business and continues shouting dry everywhere.
Hear husband’s father and mother two uneducated person of her continue, pass away, its burial she in succession; Her elder son has been admitted to a university, she pays the tuition; Her husband rises as a cadre; Her eldest daughter has married, she has done a dowry not inputting the person; Two small ones went to the technical school too finally; The family house has been built Then reach her to do it while lying up - -She works early, can less than age in order to retire due to illness, because her husband has already been promoted to a regimental commander, meet her to live in ease and comfort. Children, each is big, can arrange oneself too. She took a little daughter to go in unison, other people all say: "Have endured and held up one’s head at long last. " Bring one silk sigh with deep feeling, tone have one ten thousand learn from else’s experience, become right fruit that kind feels relieved after all, the old men say even more " give cake and ale to perfect soul! "
Than see one good person move towards happiness make people to be getting satisfied even more nothing.
Have never expected: Three year less than,divorce her husband hearsay it is she! How can this? She is so virtuous! Is a man Chen ShiMei? But it is said not - -She is used to suffering hardships, has gone to the army to really come down idly, has enjoyed and had the good fortune, spent the happy life of two months too, it is sudden in but this happiness let her not be uneasy,or dream in order to happiness stress until she behind hands finding it is what she taking. Does not I wonder for what a kind psychological reason it is, she begins to suspect the husband abandons the old for the new, and " new " A woman document in the army, gentle and quiet, popularity is very good, in fact have no connection at all with her husband. But she begin unreasonable to seek, make a noise everyday, check, track, until chase, get office play that woman a slap on the face for no reason, her husband is unable to endure any longer, then divorce. It is said she husband and she prepare, divorce book also shed the tears. –I remember that and have wickedly in mind and enclose and change the glove each time, rush about destitutely for family, heavy to return woman that family manage outside the house on the heart until by for a moment sad day while being cold, always remember that section of aside on the book too:
–That almost dreamlike your kiln vase getting of the end of the year of China. Well up a kind of happiness in his heart,
But can’t believe. He will see and will be full of the hands of the hard callus in many years in the presence of the miner by oneself, will break mottledly, and the porcelain is
So white. He does not believe this vase will really land on him on hand. He is transferring to that vase, wants to fall and look
Whether see truly, like verifying dreaming and nipping oneself once. He has actually just thought in this way,
That bottle leaves the ground, break to pieces, scattered, unable conglutination
(3)
Always thinking, does true Zeng someone has happiness - -Whom we expect one rumor, how cruelly it is should seek earnestly! Then, I have remembered an old woman.
In the campus, there is a Chinese teacher, she is one to spoil the woman in black clothing. Someone says, she can play the pianos very well. This can prove from her voice - -That is a kind of magnetic sound with elasticity. We can not always recognize her so old from the sound - -It was always still a teacher before the foundation of the state unexpectedly.
I have never seen her Sir, had known to already die later, therefore she has been single all the time. A lot of news about the teacher spreads among students. Everybody is talking about the elegance of an associate professor of department of mathematics once, someone says: "It is him, court to the lecturer for 20 years. It is that old woman to the lecturer, her professional title is very low, the sound is very pleasant, can play the pianos, moreover, someone has courted her for 20 years.
Only one door which comes into her of time, the courtyard is very narrow, of one living room and one sitting room, another simple toilet. I send key link of a question of thesis to. There are no furnishings in the room, the noticeable one is that enlarged shining black-and-whitely of single bedside. The man in the photo dresses up old-fashioned suit, but sight is deep as passing through eternally, the minimum one is passed through behind. That to lose husband she probably. Sight this at a young age to lose, go, give at Mr. promptly in him - -Such a woman once beautiful kept witheredly year in year out for him. Must theirs be happy and difficult to have to recall originally?
On winter vacation of that year, the students in the garden have already left emptily in the dormitory, I failed because of a subject, stay and make up and prepare the thesis there, has not walked yet. Whom China live in opposite to the garden single West Garden of teacher, young teacher those at this moment large to come back home and visit one’s relatives. Partners stop in the dining room, I see that buy back a handful of Chinese cabbage’s bean curd in a suit of black clothing of lecturer early in the morning everyday, know too she abstains from eating meat. There is one mid-night, raise one’s head in I learn from the lengthy and jumbled edition, in one slice of world is shocking at dusk, hear a burst of have sometimes if sound of musical instrument that does not have, extremely loud and too extremely weak dark to agitate night. I feel along the sound of musical instrument, come into West Garden, there is only a room of pale yellow and on lights in a whole building, that is in the teacher’s room. The sound of musical instrument has sounded already bordering on thundering here - -Needn’t be afraid of bothering the neighbour at last today, nobody bothered herself too. That one filling with painful and happy stereo enormous, to expect, observe Hou, letter swearing and retrospect. I am listening to an old woman handing in the emotion mixed letting out a kind of agony and happiness there furiously with the young and childish and tender sound, mountain for the imperial tomb, rivers and sea in order to exhaust, thunder shaking, Xia YuXue in winter! At that cold night, I have one’s face covered with tears.
Many years later, I see her again, she has already retired, China sends. It is times of alumnus that have a get-together too, I can’t help asking softly: "You - -Return the happiness? " I select for use unconsciously " Happy" A word.
It is too remote that her sight is passed through, too come supernaturally for a good while, say " I have been ever too happy, that I prove and review it constantly with agony that man watch over alone. There is no gully, does not see the high mountain. I dig a deep canal with the agony, then the happiness just seems to fill and fill alcohol high, the orphan is overcast and non- long, the fatherless male genital is not given birth to, why do you only ask - -Am I happy? "
I move again - -Who can say the happiness is only a rumor?
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